Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
