I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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