you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
