bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
