you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
