And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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