I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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