maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
