Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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