I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
