Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
