i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
