He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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