Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
