Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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