textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
