Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
