Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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