Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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