Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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