I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
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