Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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