i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
