Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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