with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
