i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
