Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
