oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
