Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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