walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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