I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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