he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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