He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
