Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
