I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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