o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
