Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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