My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
