We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
