She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
