you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize