Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
