why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
