Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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