i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
