im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
