Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
