the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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