he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
we made out on top of his cat.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize