My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize