They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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