just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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