Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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