you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
