and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
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Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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