ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
