You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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