Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
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I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
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You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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