ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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