She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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