I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
