My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
smell my finger.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
