Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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