We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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