mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You were trust falling into bushes
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
