My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
