Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
