I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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