Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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