I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just puked most of my soul out..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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