I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She bit a glass in half.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
