How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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