you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
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I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
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My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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