everyone is single if you try hard enough
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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