marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
