and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
