You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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