Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
