when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
