I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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