It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
