walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I stole a fireplace last night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
